Relationships can be the most powerful, encouraging thing to be a part of but also quite stressful. You choose a person you want to be with and then figure out how to keep this person in your life and nurture something amazing?! Sounds crazy, right? Well, some of us get into healthy relationships right away; for others, it does take quite a bit of trial and error. So now, let’s imagine this. You are with an inside-out beautiful person. How do you make sure you are both satiated in the relationship? There is never a set list of things you could do which will ensure a happy relationship. Great relationships often result from an immense level of understanding between the two people involved. I got talking with Sahil Bloom on an episode of Figuring Out and we came up with these 3 fundamentals that everyone needs to understand even before they get with someone for it to be blissful.
1. Life is mostly mundane
You might have liked that boy or girl because they looked amazing on the dance floor at a New Year’s party or maybe because they were the life of the party at a friend’s bachelor night. While these extreme situations of joy and excitement do exist, for the most part in your life, you will be doing nothing! Yes, you heard that right. Life isn’t about fancy vacations but fixing your bed every morning or doing the laundry weekly. So many times, we pick people who bring out the excitement in us. But fail to check if we can coexist with them when life falls flat. So, manage your expectations of what a relationship even looks like, and start from there.
2. Give up your innate selfishness
Do you always need to look out for yourself? Yes. but do you need to do that at the expense of the person you love? No. Especially in this day and age, we are always on guard. But when you are in a relationship, you will have to learn to give up things for the other person. You might not want to go to that pottery class your partner wants you to. This s when you need to ask yourself- if by doing something that you are not particularly excited about but your partner’s day would be made, do you love them enough to do that one little uncomfortable thing for them. Giving and compromising will make your relationship stronger with every attempt.
3. Love them their way
Something that a lot of people also get wrong is not being introspective enough to identify issues in the relationship. You might be doing a lot of things for your partner, but none of them makes them happy. Chances are, even if you are putting in a lot of effort, you might be spending all that energy on the wrong things. Different people feel love in different ways. Someone might need more physical affection, while somebody else feels love through words of affirmation. Figure out how your person needs to be loved and then love them in a way that they don’t have to guess at all. Feeling loved should be smooth and effortless. So as the lover, it is your responsibility to put in the effort for them to feel special every day.
At the end of the day, we all just want someone who will perfectly love our imperfections, idiosyncrasies, and annoying habits. Understand these basics and more on this episode of Figuring Out to learn how to build a relationship that’s right for you.